


Reanimation

by bloomoonbaby



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Death, M/M, hologram
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:19:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/621040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomoonbaby/pseuds/bloomoonbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Lister never thought he would die but if he did he would not want to know any better. However he has been revived as a soft-light hologram on Starbug by Arnold Rimmer his fellow crewmate, bunkmate and now fellow deadie. Lister has only one question "What the smeg is going on!?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing thing that Lister noticed as conciousness was granted back to him, was that he could not see, the second was that he could not hear and third he noticed he was in pain. A lot of pain. The pain was searing, excruciating, mind-bending and at any other time this pain would have bothered him to say the least. But Lister did not care, to Lister it felt like he was cocooned by something. It pushed in on him to kept him aware of the pain but somehow removed something inside him to do anything about the pain. Time passed and soon Lister noticed that this cocoon was slowly releasing the hold it had on him, as it did he became more concious and soon he felt his mouth involuntarily open to scream blue murder at the pain, and he also noticed that the insides of his eyelids glowed red. That Lister knew meant that when he opened his eyelids he could see. It took several attempts but he managed to snap them open. 

The first thing Lister saw was a pair of eyes. Lister could not yet remember the name of that eye colour was but he recognised that they showed a multitude of different emotions that confused his brain. Lister's own brown eyes instead travelled down to the face's nose. It was merely a nose, but something about the abnormally large nostrils sparked something in his brain. Lister's eyes then noticed the mouth of this face. He saw a flit of a pointy tongue moisten and plump the bottom lip of the mouth before opening to speak.

"Lister, Listy, Can you hear me?" Lister's hearing was now back, and so to was his ability to remember the days of the week and the identity of the man who was peering intently into his face.

"Rim..Rimmah?" croaked Lister, "Wha..zzzmee...go.....n?" he tried to get up but a firm hand pushed him back down onto the bed.

"Not so fast milladdo," said Rimmer "You have been out of it for a while." Lister who was not one to listen to the second technician kept on struggling. The firm hand remained in the middle of his chest until Lister out of breath gave up. 

"I told you to wait Listy!" scolded Rimmer "Just stay still for ten minutes." Lister grunted and stayed still on the bed while Rimmer left his side to fiddle with some buttons on a console. Lister laid there and tried to make his vocal chords work. He had only a vague idea where he was and was really curious to know what the hell was happening.  
"Rimmer!" Lister tried again, "What the smegging hell is goin' on?" Rimmer ignored the question and walked back to Lister.  
"Good you can speak properly again. That means you should be able to sit up now." Rimmer pressed a button on the bed and Lister found himself sitting up. They were in the medi-bay on Starbug.  
"Rimmer" repeated Lister "What the smegging hell is goin' on? And..." Lister paused to let his memory feed some information to his mouth 'Where is Cat and Kryten."  
"All in good time Listy." smiled Rimmer nervously. "I have something I must tell you, and I don't think you'll like it." Rimmer took a deep breath. He did not know how to break the news gently so he stood beside Lister's bed at attention and stared straight at the far wall and started talking as fast and as concisely as possible in the given situation.  
"Five nights ago, Starbug was involved in an accident involving a GELF pirate ship and a warp-hole. You died on impact and Starbug was snapped cleanly into two. You and I are currently presiding in the front half while Cat and Kryten it can be assumed are in the second half."  
"What do you mean by assume?" Lister frowned at Rimmer's unblinking expression "Have you trie.." Lister froze "I'm SMEGGING WHAT!?"

"You're a hologram Listy." Rimmer mumured still standing at attention over Lister's bed in the medi-bay.  
"I'm a what?" replied Lister in a dreamy voice. Surely Lister thought, I cannot be dead.  
"You're a hologram Listy." repeated Rimmer.  
"I'm a what?" this exchange went on for some time. Lister, unlike Harry Potter in universe four, was not willing to accept the news of who he was. Which is natural I think as being informed that your natural life is at an end in comparison to learning you have magical powers are two completely different things and everyone I think would prefer the latter to the former.

Eventually Lister just nodded. He did not really believe Rimmer but the exchange was tiring him out and he wanted to go back to sleep. Rimmer nodded in return and decided to relax his pose, by standing even more straighter and curling his hands into fists. He turned and strode back to the console on the far end of the room and as Lister squirmed on the medi-bay bed to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in, Rimmer did a search of Starbug's library. He found what he wanted and tapped at the enter key several times to will the leaflet into a soft light existence on the table beside the medi-bay bed. Lister saw the leaflet How to cope with your own death. pop up into existence beside him and his last waking thought was that sleep would be a better way to cope with his death than reading that stupid leaflet.


	2. Chapter 2

Rimmer kept Lister locked inside the medi bay for just over a week. Going against Rimmer directive 384 that states that sharing bad news is the best thing about bad news therefore, one should share any bad news at the earliest opportunity Rimmer instead kept quiet. Rimmer refused to tell Lister fact that Starbug had crash landed on a S3 planet and from surveying the wreckage there was no way in hell that one hard- light and one soft-light hologram both low ranking technicians would be able to turn the front half of Starbug into a working space ship.  
For one the engines that were situated in the rear of the ship were not attached to the ship. They, with Kryten and the Cat, were somewhere smeg knows where in the universe. Second, both men were clearly not up to the job of making an engine, Lister who thought of himself as a doer could not actually do anything being soft-light. Rimmer the man of theory would just get obsessed with finicky useless details and never get round to doing any physical work. Finally, the only tools Rimmer had found by ransacking the cockpit and sleeping quarters was one flat-head screwdriver, a pair of kitchen tongs, three nails and a loaf of bread that Lister baked. Bread is not normally a tool for fixing space ships but the bread was so hard and dense Rimmer believed he could use it as a hammer and it’s not like Lister nor Rimmer will starve to death.  
So Rimmer and Lister were stuck on this planet. They had no choice but to try to build a home and wait for someone to find them. On the positive side, their half of the ship contained the medi-bay, kitchenette, sleeping quarters and three bazookoids. Charged and ready to go. The most positive thing that occurred to Rimmer on his exploration of the wreckage was that the hologramatic software found on a derelict five months before this disaster dramatically reduced how much power was used in creating and sustaining a hologram. Furthermore only Lister needed to stay on the grid as the hard-light bee of Rimmer’s was so advanced he only needed to connect himself to Starbug when they went through extreme solar winds as it seemed to overcharge his bee and turn him into a wild eye, straight haired road-runner type blur. Yet Rimmer also found the negative in this positive. Namely, how he would explain and justify to Lister why he revived Lister as a hologram. Even with all of the technology, it was a pretty smeggy thing to do. To revive someone without giving them a real purpose that justifies animation is even more smeggy and that is exactly what he did to Lister. Holograms cannot survive without purpose yet the purpose Rimmer inputted during the reanimation, the program will not execute without one, was just too horrible, too cruel and the most smeggiest of all to do to a fellow electronic life form.  
Yet Rimmer did it, and as much as he would like to run screaming from the scene of the crime, eventually he would have to face the situation.

As for Lister it took four days for him to accept the fact that he was dead. It took even longer to accept the fact that he was a soft light hologram. The first time Rimmer pulled him up by his hologramatic t-shirt, dragged him over to the mirror and Lister saw the silver H stuck to his forehead he flipped and tried to beat Rimmer with a chair. When he simply fell through the chair and almost fell through the floor and screamed in frustration. Then when Rimmer tried to help him to his feet, he just threw his fist at Rimmer instead. It connected with Rimmer's left eye, which turned into a massive shiner within seconds and left Rimmer in a foetal position crying softly on the floor while Lister lay flat on his back, wishing that he could do the same.  
Looking back on this time, Lister would note that in those first few days as a hologram, Rimmer was caring, subdued, helpful, tolerant and even nice to Lister. However, recently deceased Lister resented Rimmer. Not only did he reanimate Lister as a hologram, a soft-light hologram Rimmer was being very vague about why he did so. Rimmer also had placed an override on the Medibay doors and made use of a light field technology that prevented Lister from attempting to push his head through the door or any of the surrounding wall. Rimmer did it as we know because of the wreckage outside the intact medi-bay and his fear of explaining to Lister why he was reanimated, but Lister had no clue. Understandably, Lister was very suspicious of Rimmer for all Lister knew the short story Rimmer told was a lie and instead Rimmer murdered the whole crew and has now revived Lister for some screwed up revenge.  
Lister tried everything to wheedle information out of Rimmer, he asked, he queried, he demanded, he bothered, he threatened and when that didn’t work he used violence. It started with Lister aiming his hologramatic copy of How to cope with your death and throwing it as hard as he could at Rimmer followed by his own fists. Rimmer who learnt his lesson from the black eye had turned to back to hard light meaning that although they were both holograms Lister could not touch the man. Soon Lister gave up. He was not a violent man by nature and even in a situation where it could be justified Lister could not do it. It disgusted him. Especially as Rimmer had not tried anything violent towards him and Lister thought grimly Rimmer would probably spill the beans of what happened before he revealed the death machine or whatever Rimmer was building. So Lister just gave up. When awake he sat in the medi-bay watching a vid or rereading the hologramatic self-help pamphlet. When asleep he dreamt of eating curries and shagging gorgeous girls. Rimmer would occasionally sit in with him and attempt to do inane chatter. Which Rimmer failed at miserably.  
The week past and Rimmer finally opened up the medi bay doors and turned off the light field. Lister still a bit iffy with his soft light legs stumbled out. Rimmer followed Lister meekly on his exploration of the wreck that was Starbug. The more Lister explored the more he became relaxed because the mess showed to Lister that Rimmer was not a psycho raving killer but someone who wanted to conceal the true gravity of their situation. At the same time Lister became tense as he realised bit by bit, piece by piece how smegged Starbug was and that there is no way they could get back in the air to catch the Dwarf and eventually find their way to Earth. This planet was not Earth. Even as a hologram Lister was sure, he would be able to feel it in his bones. It is instinct; his body would tingle like whenever he would go on the underground back on weekend trips to London. The light of the trains gave the illusion of being topside but that little tingle overpowered the light tricks. To Lister this planet did not feel like earth.  
Exploration over, Lister sighed. He silently motioned Rimmer to follow him to the remains of the cockpit. Lister attempted to balance in his co-pilot chair and pointed at Rimmer to sit opposite in what used to be the Cat’s chair.  
“So this is why I had to stay in the medi-bay Rimmer?” asked Lister casually. Rimmer looked up from his knees, nodded awkwardly and then looked back down again, his face red and fists clenched. Lister sighed again.  
“I can kinda see why,” he said nonchalantly “But I have one question for yeh.” Rimmer nodded and he squeezed his fists into themselves even harder.  
“Yes.” Responded Rimmer in a tiny scared voice.  
“Why did yeh bring meh back?” Rimmer knew that the question was coming yet he was still not prepared for it. Blind panic struck the hologram and for a second his hologramatic bee could not cope with the overload of electronic messages being sent back and forth that Rimmer disappeared. Rimmer flashed back after a second and started trying to speak but it came out garbled.  
“We..w…w…w….” he glitched once more and the light bee program rebooted him into his soft light state. Lister halfway between amusement and disturbed about Rimmer’s reaction just stared while fighting to keep a grin off his face. Lister intent on the contortions of emotions on the other hologram’s face did not register the hands that reached out to grip his shoulders tightly. Suddenly Lister had a very close up on Rimmer’s cheek and closed eye as the other lunged forward and rashly yet quite passionately mashed his mouth into Lister’s. ____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was the second chapter. It is turning out more angsty than first intended sorry. Here is hoping I make it funny. Also making up scientific concepts is hard. Sorry for stopping at the good bit.
> 
> Any feedback is welcome! Thank you for kudos and feedback everyone! It is amazing and terrifying at the same time to get XD


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter the third and a record for me in not giving up. This time Lister does a lot of standing around and thinking. With any luck next chapter my brain will let me put in the gags and laughs. 
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me!

The fingernails that dug into his shoulders were painful thought Lister dazedly as he was caught up in the passionate kiss that began in the previous chapter. The soft lips that were pressed to his however decidedly made up for the pain so Lister responded eagerly by closing his eyes and choosing his need for contact over the niggling feeling that told him that such a kiss was extremely wrong given the situation. His arms reached out and wrapped around Rimmer’s torso to pull him in closer and he probed Rimmer’s soft but tensed lips to open up so he could explore the glorious mouth within.   
Rimmer was overwhelmed. This kiss was not his intention, his panic in attempting to explain Lister’s reanimation created a software glitch in his light bee, which corrupted the perimeter code between reality and unreality in Rimmer’s mind cache. This meant that strings of code detailing actions not meant for reality could be executed in reality. Simply put Rimmer became convinced that it was a dream and in his dream to get out of explaining himself to Lister, he would kiss him. Rimmer had fallen for Lister hard even before the accident that wiped out the Red Dwarf crew. Kissing Lister had become his go-to daydream. He got off on the idea and many a time he had woken up in the middle of the night, flushed and giddy, the front of his pyjamas wet like he was a teenage boy again and his cock shamelessly propped up his pyjama trousers ready for round two.   
Naturally, he was too frightened to tell Lister about his feelings. But because of this glitch Rimmer now found himself sucking face with Lister and his pleasured moans at what Lister was doing inside his mouth was punctured by squeaks of nervousness and guilt. Rimmer definitely knew that he was doing something wrong to Lister, as it did not take long for the light bee to correct the glitch, about 0.4 seconds into the kiss. Although inexperienced in this kind of thing, Rimmer knew that he should pull back and apologise for the insanity before more damage was done. Nevertheless, Rimmer could not do it, and like Lister, he ignored the timid voice of conscience and chose the husky voice of Lust.   
Neither of them needed to breathe, being holograms, but eventually they pulled out of the kiss holding each other up in the cockpit chairs. They looked into each other’s eyes almost dreamily until Lister fell through the chair and a flood of reality washed out the post-make out haze. He was dead, so was Cat and Krytes, Rimmer revived him as a hologram, they were stranded on a strange planet with half a spaceship and he just made out with Rimmer. He just made out with Rimmer. This was a hundred times wrong.   
“Rimmer, what the smeg!?”Lister gasped wiping saliva from his mouth with the back of his hand as he tried to get back up through his feet.  
“Listy…Lister…I…?” Rimmer trailed off feebly, no clue at all what to say about anything. Lister leapt to his hologramatic feet and stared down at Rimmer in the chair. Rimmer looked up at Lister’s face dazed, his face flushed, lips wet, eyes glassy and, much to Lister’s horror, sporting a sizeable erection in his blue hologram trousers.  
“Rimmer, what the smeg!” yelped Lister this time “Is this…” Lister motioned in the general direction of Rimmer’s little solider “Why yeh revived me as a hologram? As some sort of sex toy!?”   
“No!” yelped Rimmer so high he could have been in the choir, “That’s not wha…” Lister did not want to hear it. He stormed out of the cockpit and made his way outside. He walked some distance away from the bug and if he was human he would have sat on the ground with a massive thud. Being a hologram he instead floated to the ground, his behind half an inch from the ground. If he could, he would have started kicking up the dust on the planet and throwing rocks. Instead he jammed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and glared at the rocks. After a while his glare at the poor rocks in front of him started to soften, he tried to take deep breaths and the longer he stood there, hands in pockets, the more Lister started to calm down and start to think. He was a hologram now, no doubt about it. But why? He was only soft-light and not a man of theory. With the exemption of a smattering of Esperanto, he learnt from having to watch Rimmer’s language videos he knew no other languages aside from his mother tongue, so if Rimmer expected him to be a translator between him and any GELFs that could be on this planet he had another thing coming. Lister had no clue. He mulled it over for a while but his mind started drifting back to the kiss and the resulting reactions.  
With a squirm of guilt that would have made Kryten envious of, Lister soon realised that maybe he had gone a bit too far in his accusations. The expressions on Rimmer’s face before and after the kissing if Lister really thought about it was not one of a man who just got himself a new play thing, sex toy, but of someone who was a jittering wreck of nerves. Because, Lister thought with a growing realisation, he loves me. Probably.  
Then the reason for his reanimation being a success came to him in one fell swoop. The exact same reason that Rimmer was revived on the dwarf all of those years ago, Rimmer was there to keep Lister sane but now it was Lister’s turn to keep Rimmer sane. Lister grinned for the first time since he had died, but it was a sad grin, why couldn’t Rimmer have just said this instead of being so weird about it? He looked back towards the wreck that was Starbug and could see that Rimmer had been watching him from afar. Lister groaned internally and turned away from the ship. His revelation at his purpose as a hologram now completed the full weight of what that kiss meant to Rimmer hit him like a spaceship black box. Rimmer was in love with him. LISTER! Dave Lister a space bum who eats jars of chillies like one would eat a bag of crisps, use soap only when he notices that there are space barnacles growing in his armpits, and his only goals in life were to bum around and have a laugh.   
Lister looked back up at Starbug and spotted Rimmer still hovering nervously Lister waved at the hologram, who he could see now had that nervous, puppy dog look about him. The same one, he realised he had noticed out of the corner of his eyes for years. He remembered this look particularly clearly when Kochanski was present in their sleeping quarters or he was flirting with some babe on shift. Lister had no idea how he would deal with this. He could not ignore Rimmer’s feelings, but at the same time, it felt wrong acknowledging them, although the idea that a Jaffa cake is a biscuit was much more controversial than man on man love, that man was Rimmer! He was the smeggiest of smeggers that ever smegged. They did not get on very well at the very best of times. He ran a finger subconsciously along his bottom lip.   
“But that kiss,” he thought aloud “Was quite something.” Lister shook his head to get rid of the thought. First thing’s first, putting aside his confused feelings on this subject, he should show Rimmer that he wasn’t angry at him anymore. He turned back towards the ship and motioned at Rimmer to come join him. He’ll have a talk to Rimmer and hopefully they can come to some sort of understanding to make the rest of eternity bearable for the both of them.  
Unfortunately, it never occurred to Lister that Rimmer was a holder of an even more terrifying secret. By the time he finds out, it would be far too late.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More talking but then tables get turned and no cliff hanger this time.

Time passed quickly on the dusty planetoid and in the months that followed Lister learnt much about being a hologram. For example, although he could not touch items he discovered that his hearing was amplified to the point that he could hear a dog whistle being blown and his eyesight improved significantly he could actually read the small newspaper print... something he could not do before. Quite a shame then that the only newspaper available was a scrap of article about extraterrestrial lounge suites, he quickly got sick reading it over and over again. He also learnt that he could trick the hologram programming to some extent and make himself hover above the ground for a short period. His favourite part of being a hologram had to be though the fact he could put parts of his body through objects. That meant hours and hours of light pranks on Rimmer such as hiding in the undercarriage of the ruined Starbug and pushing his arm through to grab Rimmer’s soft light leg. Rimmer would chase him and then Lister would poke his head from the ceiling and pull faces dodging hologramatic peanuts that Rimmer threw at him.

  
At the same time, Lister and Rimmer started to learn even more about each other. Days and nights were long on the little planetoid and aside from pranking each other, sending out distress signal after distress signal or attempting to make repairs on the ship there was nothing else to do but talk. It was just like the old days when Rimmer was first revived as a soft light hologram to keep Lister sane... almost. The revelation that Rimmer was in love with Lister changed the tone of their conversations in a huge way. Before they always carried a bleak, lost, and lonely tone, it was two men isolated in time and space reminiscing about their extinct species, trying to remember how it was so great. But now, the tone was hopeful, happy even. This creeped Lister out no end, if anything him being dead should have made everything so bleak that they both turned into Goths. He was the last human; therefore, his death meant the death of the continuation of the human species. Anyway putting that aside, Lister had forgiven Rimmer but he had not really approached Rimmer on the kiss. He tried to bring it up once or twice but he did not know how to go about it. He wanted confirmation on Rimmer’s feelings but at the same time, he did not want to even go there. For one it could screw up his only friendship and two he did not think he could return those feelings.

  
But one night Lister decided that his curiosity of Rimmer’s feelings was larger than his fears of being friendless and chose to confront Rimmer on his feelings. So as soon as Lister and Rimmer bunked down for the night in the remains of Starbug Lister whispered, "Yer awake Rimmer man?" silence at first, then the familiar nasal voice replied loftily,

  
"No Lister, I'm sleeping" Lister grinned instead of retorting. As if Rimmer could see him Rimmer said,  
“And what are you smirking about Mister?”

  
“Nothing” replied Lister mischievously.

  
“No, seriously Lister, if you have a joke or something I want to hear it."

  
“It’s not a joke, I’m thinking about” Lister paused, it was now or never, “I was thinking of that time you kissed me. What a kiss that was.” The atmosphere thickened or thinned but either way Lister could tell that Rimmer had just stiffened in his shimmery pale green and red satin pyjamas. His eyes were probably bulging out of his head, his face would have taken on a nice shade of fearful blue and his fingernails would be digging into his palms. Rimmer’s mouth would probably be gaped open in surprise. Time passed, five minutes maybe longer before Lister spoke again.

  
"It was something man, that kiss. Care to tell me what was going through yer mind?" Lister poked his head through the bottom of his bed to look at Rimmer below. Rimmer lay on the bed exactly as Lister imagined. The only sign that Rimmer showed from seeing Lister’s hologramatic face pop through the roof was that his eye bulged even more. Lister pulled his head up and floated off his bunk. He stood arms crossed in front of the bunk for a couple of seconds, sighed and then he perched himself onto the edge of Rimmer's bunk.

  
“Rimmer man,” he prodded at Rimmer's cheek but because Rimmer was in hard-light Lister was met with air instead, "Aye Rimmer. C’mon talk to me." Rimmer's head turned suddenly to stare silently at Lister. Lister was reminded strangely of the creepy possessed girl in the Exorcist. Lister shuddered to himself and tentatively continued his verbal prodding.

  
“Come on man. Talk to me, I’m not angry at yer just…” Lister worried his lip thinking of the best word, “curious.” Rimmer kept staring at Lister in silence.

  
"I’m not going to mock you or anything. Its only you and me here.” still Rimmer stayed silent. Lister prodded at Rimmer again.

  
“Fine, I'll just sit here until you talk. Lister folded his arms and turned his face away from Rimmer to peer aimlessly around the room.

“Listy...” a surprisingly deep voice croaked suddenly which made Lister jump slightly, “I don't think it’s a good idea for you to sit there.” Lister turned to face Rimmer again and almost fell through the bed in surprise. Rimmer had propped himself up onto his elbow and was looking at Lister intently, all traces of dumbstruck, cowardly Rimmer gone, replaced with a steady expression that made Lister want to turn away, but to his surprise he could not.

  
“Why?” Lister ventured unsure at what happened to Rimmer while his back was turned.

  
“I…” Rimmer spoke slow and steady, “Want. to. ravage. you.” Lister’s eyes widened and he leaned back away from the older hologram. Lister was not expecting any of this. Lister had reserved himself for a night of wheedling titbits of talk out of a tense and near comatose Rimmer. If it ended well they'd come to an understanding for the sake of friendship and pat each other on the back. If, and this was more likely, it ended negatively Rimmer would have a panic attack and Lister would spend hours trying to coax him out of a cupboard with hologramatic treats like he was Mr Tibbles. But this, the way that Rimmer was not trying to change the topic or over deny anything was all odd. Even the way he was maintaining eye contact with Lister was odd and Lister began to feel like the hunted rather than the hunter.

  
“Rimmer?” questioned Lister nervously. In response, Rimmer smiled actually smiled and wiggled on the bed switching to soft-light so he could stroke Lister’s cheek. The tables turn Lister became the frozen hologram. He was just as confused as your dear writer, all logic and consistency went to die in a bush or on a road or something.

  
“Sorry Listy,” said Rimmer “For bringing you back. I tried not to, but the more I thought about being here alone… I just couldn't. You Listy are the reason I have a second chance at a life. My previous life was just horribleness. Everything I tried to achieve was in vain. However you being sent to stasis and me dying ended up being the best thing.” Rimmer shook his head at the ridiculousness of the statement but continued. “Because in the end I am alive, not living but alive.” Rimmer grinned again twice as in many minutes and Lister felt his mouth spread to mirror Rimmer’s grin. He was still not sure what was happening, but he felt that Rimmer was being truly honest with him and he felt glad, proud, touched feelings he wished he could have felt with the man earlier but never did.

  
“Thanks Listy.” Lister nodded happily. This felt nice.

  
“No problem, man.” They kept doing the eye contact thing, Rimmer’s smile that had reached his eyes soon ceased to be replaced by that odd predatory look of before. Lister’s faded in response, confusion bubbling up inside him again.

  
“And sorry Listy” the older hologram breathed.

  
“For what? Huh?” Lister breathed back at him. Not sure why suddenly he had to whisper.

  
“This.” Rimmer grabbed at Lister’s shirt and kissed him roughly on the mouth. Lister struggled for a couple of seconds, while his brain tried to process what was happening and whether this should be feeling right or wrong. But very soon he found himself relaxing into the contact and decided to go with the flow and eagerly responded to Rimmer. He did not care anymore about keeping the status quo or whatever smeg and instead let this odd passionate Rimmer envelop him. Lister swung his legs onto the bed and assisted by Rimmer he ended up in the bunk straddling Rimmer’s leg. Lister mouth gaped open at the gasping hologram beneath him, the hazel eyes, watery green with lust, the nostrils flared drinking oxygen that holograms don’t need, the tongue that darted out to lick his pretty red lips. Lister was just wondering when he'd get to kissed them again when Rimmer cupped his face and coaxed him down. They met lip to lip, chest to chest and lister groaned at the touch. He had not done this for years. Well he had, but he had blocked that incident with his GELF bride.

  
“Smeg Rimmer!” Lister exclaimed as he suddenly noticed what Rimmer was sporting underneath those satin trousers. He exclaimed again a second time as he realised he was just as hard. Rimmer twirled his fingers into Lister’s dreads and Lister responded in kind by raking his hands through the tight auburn curls, making them even messier. They kissed harder still. One of Lister’s hands released their grip on Rimmer's hair, found its way into Rimmer’s pyjama shirt and expertly unbuttoned it to reveal the large expanse of honey coloured gorgeousness.

  
“Listy!” yelped Rimmer, as Lister experimentally tweaked a nipple with his free hand. Lister then pulled back from the kiss and quickly removed his undershirt one handed. Rimmer took the opportunity to rake his hands over Lister’s chest, then sat up to gain access to one of the dark nipples hard with arousal and gently tongued it. Lister took the opportunity to remove the rest of Rimmer's shirt then he started rubbing his hands over Rimmer’s broad back as Rimmer continued raking his tongue over Lister’s nipple. Lister’s hands glided over the back feeling muscle, bone and flesh. Rimmer sighed in contentment and very soon, he laid down again on the bunk followed by Lister. More kissing, relaxed and gentle until Lister shifted in between Rimmer’s legs and both men remembered they were packing heat. (Oh this is most clever says brain at 3am)

  
Lister was the first to push over the final line. He felt a tad nervous because unless you’re a doctor, which he is not obviously, reaching down to feel your mates erect penis definitely changes the relationship between you and said mate. Nonetheless, Lister’s want to manipulate the older hologram was higher than his aversion so pulled at the drawstring in Rimmer trousers.  Gulping slightly he very cautiously slipped a hand inside to meet Rimmer. Lister rubbed his hand over it gently to scope out its dimensions. Long, sleek and smooth were the words that came to mind. Rimmer whimpered and whined under Lister’s touch, twitching slightly as Lister traced a finger teasingly across the vein underneath. Lister grinned he was enjoying this. Lister’s mind was racing all of a sudden. Holy mother of smeg! He was actually enjoying this.

  
“Circumcised huh?” Lister muttered, successfully keeping the rushing panic that ebbed into his brain from showing in his voice. Rimmer nodded, probably blushing, Lister could not tell. He removed his hand from Rimmer’s trousers who whined with disappointment, bucking slightly. Lister grinned evilly but helped Rimmer out of his trousers and removed his own boxers telepathically. He had practiced this for his next prank on Rimmer, it never occurred to him that he would be in this position with Rimmer of all people. But, Lister thought, he never thought he’d be lost in stasis for three million years, that he would give birth to his own sons so smeg as long as he was having fun. Why the smeg not?

  
“Lister,” Rimmer suddenly gasped, “If we do this, we can’t...” Lister shushed him,

  
“Too late for that now, pretty boy,” Lister leaned over for a kiss, “Smeghead” he whispered with affection in his voice that neither man knew existed, and then Lister lowered himself down so that their members could touch. Both men hissed at the touch, it felt fucking magical. Lister led Rimmer's hand and together they rubbed, stroked and traced each other. Soon their hands were more of a hindrance than a help as they discovered instead they could create pleasurable friction by rocking and rolling into each other so that their members’ rubbed together, leaving hands to explore, hair, faces and chests. Moans of ‘oh smeg’ and similar grew louder and more frequent, breathing simulations became harsher and faster and bodies thumped and bump together wilder and wilder faster and faster until the build-up became too much and Rimmer cried first,

  
'Dave!' Lister's whose eyes had been closed in concentration opened his eyes at his name and watched his friend's face contort into a orgasmic expression that because of some science smeg or whatever pushed Lister over the edge and he followed suit, gabbling,

  
“Arnold” and other close approximations of Rimmer’s name into Rimmer’s hair. Both men lay still in each other’s arms, too tired to do anything but smile weakly and share the occasional innocent kiss. Eventually Lister managed to half sit up and look down at the mess they had made. Surprisingly there was a mess, obviously the designer of soft-light holograms thought very long and hard about sex between holograms. He ran a finger across his belly and dipped it into the hologramatic cum that remained. He looked at it on his finger, grinned cheekily then looked at Rimmer.  
“How do you clean up this smeg then?” Rimmer did not get the joke neither did Lister but to them it was the funniest thing in the world. They laughed together uncontrollably on the verge of hysterics but soon Rimmer shuffled to make more space for Lister and the snuggled in together to sleep.  
______

End of chapter. It’s not over yet, but we can finally get into the crux of the story that I want to write now that I have established everything I need to make it make some sort of sense. I am guessing two or three more chapters depending on how many words I get in for next time. Oh and I made sex happen this chapter! No idea how it happened but yay! I’ll try make more happen but for now my imagination is spent.  
Until we meet again. :D

Edit: I planned to write part five tonight and I forgot how I left it so I read it again and had to correct it. Slightly better now ^^ I will get onto that update now though

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where the story goes through lots of thing in just over 1000 words. I don't know how to summarise sorry.

After that amazing night together, Rimmer and Lister became, if this is possible, more inseparable than ever.  Lister at first had no idea why he couldn’t keep his hands off the man. He had no clue how he found himself waking up, every morning with an arm and a leg draped over Rimmer’s torso. Why they would kiss and dreamily stare into each other’s eyes until it was time to get up. Why he’d cheerily wave off Rimmer as he went for his morning run and then go and watch sappy movies until he came back. How when he’d come back they’d hug and more often than not Rimmer would drag him back to bed and give him one. Then after a delightful afternoon of sexual experimentation and lounging around Rimmer would go off for an evening walk and Lister would climb to the roof of split Starbug and watch the sun go down and for the moons to come up. After a hour of thinking about how relaxed and peaceful everything was Rimmer would come back and they’d watch the night sky until it was time for bed or more sex.

Really it was quite a sappy affair. Lister thought one day as he and Rimmer laid in bed watching “It’s a wonderful life”, he was a bit of a sappy man by nature with his soft spot for romantic drama and romantic comedies, but he only became really sappy when he was in love. When he was in love. Lister suddenly sat up out of Rimmer’s embrace and whipped around to look at the startled man.

“Rimmer!” Lister croaked loudly, his throat felt funny. Rimmer sat up and tentatively placed a hand on Lister’s shoulder.

“What’s wrong Listy?” asked Rimmer, worry evident in his eyes at the sudden change in Lister’s behaviour, “Did I do something?”

“Nope!” yelped Lister, jumping out from the bunk and away from Rimmer’s hand, “It’s just I…” he looked at Rimmer, who had donned a hurt expression, “think I love you.” Rimmer who had tensed himself up for a fight or something, breathed out a breath he did not know that he was holding. He slumped back into the bunk and made eye contact with Lister, who looked a tad mortified. They stared at each other for what felt like an infinity then at the same time they both started laughing. Lister threw himself back onto the bed into Rimmer’s arms. They laughed and laughed until their faces were red and hologramatic tears ran down their faces.  Rimmer stopped laughing first and gently placed an index finger underneath Lister’s chin so he could bring Lister's mouth closer to his. First their lips met, then tongue and teeth. Lister explored the familiar territory that was the inside of Rimmer’s mouth for a couple of minutes before pulling back and placing his forehead onto Rimmer’s so they were looking at each other squarely in the eye.

“I really do love you don’t I?” whispered Lister. Rimmer nodded in agreement and with a random shout flipped Lister over so that he was lying on his back in the bunk. He kissed Lister on the cheek and nuzzled Lister’s ear with his nose before whispering,

“Not as much as I love you.”

So they continued in his fashion on the little planetoid. The only time Lister feel uneasy about the whole situation is when he would occasionally think about Cat and Kryten. He’d become upset and feel guilty for not making more of an effort to learn of their fate and possibly reunite. At those times, Rimmer would just avoid Lister slink around the planetoid until Lister naturally brightened up. Lister in hindsight should have seen this behaviour as suspicious, however when he wallowed in self-pity, Lister really wallowed in it.

Maybe six months, or six years I don’t know, had passed since Lister was revived as a hologram and he was lounging around in the remains of the drive room. He was trying to watch an episode of a 21st century crime drama but he could not focus on it. He had a terrible night, the night before when he had woken up suddenly in Rimmer’s arms, surprised to find that his eyes were wet, as if he had been crying in his sleep. Although he no clue to what is dream was that made him actually cry, he instantly thought of Cat and Kryten. What the smeg was he doing, he thought, I’ve been shacking it up with Rimmer here without a care in the world while my friends could be lying in another dimension dead or terribly injured. Suddenly feeling ill he very carefully shifted out of Rimmer’s grip. Rimmer only murmured something intelligible and rolled over onto his stomach. Trying to fight the smile that threatened to break across his face Lister stood up and went to the Drive room. He thought about his life for a while and then decided to watch something to distract himself.  The sun had fully risen, before Rimmer snuck up behind Lister and had wrapped his arms around the other hologram.

“Morning,” beamed Rimmer, oblivious to Lister’s mood.

“Morning,” grunted Lister in return, wanting to feel warmed by the other’s touch but he really didn’t feel like he deserved to feel that way. Rimmer froze as he realised Lister’s mood.

“So you had a hard night then?” Rimmer asked and today of all days Lister picked up an odd edge to his voice. A strange edge. Trying to keep the edge out of his own voice he responded in a false cheery voice,

“Nothing man! I woke up earlier and just couldn’t sleep. That’s all.” Lister stood up through the other hologram and turned to face him. “Nothing is wrong. At all.” that last bit was said a bit forcefully, which made Rimmer raise an eyebrow. However, he didn’t comment.

“Good to know Listy.” he strode up to Lister and clapped him on the shoulder. “Whelp, I’m going to go for a walk then, I shall see you later.” He made to leave but quickly turned back and placed a hand on the back of Lister’s neck before kissing him squarely on the mouth.

“I do love you Dave, just so you know that.” he smiled awkwardly and exited stage left. Lister slumped back into his seat and traced his finger over his lips. Something was up decided Lister. Now that he thought about something was amiss. He could push aside, Rimmer avoiding him when he was in a bad mood and even the fact that he disappeared every morning and night under the guise of going for a run. However, that tense, edge he detected in his voice when he thought that Lister was upset again about Cat and Kryten was just too odd. Now when he thought about it Rimmer did actually become very odd when Lister got into that mood. It was only he couldn’t see, well hear it before.

Maybe it was all of those hours of watching the consulting detective at work that made him start thinking along these lines. But suddenly Dave Lister really need to know what Arnold Rimmer did while he was out running. Less than a minute had passed since Rimmer left so Lister leapt back to his feet and hovered outside of the ship looking out for the hard-light hologram. He was jogging in a north-west direction towards a cave. Lister closed his eyes for a second to clear them but by the time he opened them again the man was gone. Put out by this Lister let the gravity sensors of his light-bee work and he drifted to the ground. Wasting no time he decided to run after the smegger. He needed to know.

_______

Sorry for the long wait for the chapters everyone! Time just goes so fast and then suddenly its May, and thank you so much for bearing with me through this. I will finish this fic! I just hope it is not too tragic. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! it has been ages since I have updated this fic. It is quite shameful and I am sorry. Anyway I have managed to get over the hurdle I was experiencing and some progress has been made. So I'll give you this update which has some big reveal and I currently have another chapter which I have nearly finished but there is still some more things I need to do. 
> 
> From this side of the story, it is not working out as I intended but hey I hope you enjoy it anyway. I will finish this! Thanks for your support.

Halfway through his frenzied sprint towards where Rimmer had gone Lister froze.

"This is smegging ridiculous," he swore underneath his breath. This kind of suspicious mistrust of another person was not like him. This was more Rimmer behaviour. _So out of character_. Lister then choosing to be a bit less Rimmerish flopped himself on the ground to have a good think. Running after Rimmer like this was incredibly stupid he thought. And he had done some really stupid things.

If he wanted to find out what Rimmer was doing in a cave alone he had to be smooth about it. Maybe a James Bond marathon was in order to prep himself for some espionage. Lister got back to his feet and looked once more in the direction where Rimmer  had run off. He nodded to himself and wondered back to the ship to plan.

Rimmer himself came back about an hour later.

"Oh… that was a bracing run," he puffed cheerily at Lister who had chosen instead to watch Tomb Raider. Jolie was fine and that butler didn't look too bad either.

"Hmmm" hummed Lister in response, craning his neck to look at the flushed hologram, forcing himself to smile sweetly. He had only been half concentrating on the film, instead starting to plan on how he could get out to the cave without Rimmer’s knowledge.

"What?" asked Rimmer, still after all of this time with Lister naturally suspicious that he was the butt of a joke.

"Nothing man," Lister grinned, "Just happy to see you."  It wasn't really a lie but he still squirmed in his seat slightly.

"Right" Rimmer muttered taking the seat beside Lister, switching to soft light as he did so, so the two could touch. The two spent the rest of the day in a companionable silence, except for when Rimmer went for his "night run", hanging around the driver room. Rimmer entertained himself by trying to write is autobiography while Lister watched film after film and plotted for the night’s espionage. The final plan to get to that cane and find out what Rimmer was doing in that cave went like this.

First Lister planned to go to bed early, pretend to sleep and wait for Rimmer to hop in bed beside him. Once Rimmer was in bed and drifting off to sleep Lister would "wake up from a nightmare" and like the night before get out of bed. If Rimmer says something, tell him that he was going to watch a movie. Give some time to make sure Rimmer doesn't wake up and then leave the ship and get out to that cave. The plan went perfectly at first, he feigned sleep soon Rimmer snuggled into bed with him and after maybe fifteen minutes, he faked his nightmare.

He didn’t even wake up Rimmer and by about 2am ship time Lister was outside ready to go. This was where he encountered his first problem. It was dark outside. Very dark. It was quite cloudy and the three of the four moons orbiting the planet were covered by cloud. He had no access to a torch so it took longer than it should have to find the cave.  If only he could mark the places he already searched with a stick or something... but hologram.

 

It was nearing on sunrise when finally Lister found the cave. The first beams of light that appeared over the horizon really helped. The cave was wide and although not that high, Lister didn't need to duck his head to get in. Lister crept along the cave slowly although there was no need. The cave had been lit with lanterns spaced along at even intervals but the only danger he was tripping over his own feet. Giggling at the image Lister continued on until he noticed that the lanterns veered off to the left.

 

Lister took a deep breath before jumping out. It suddenly occurred to him  that if he went to all this trouble just to find that this cave was just Rimmer's glorified wank cave then he could cry. No more delaying it though. He popped his head around the corner.His eyes furrowed together in confusion and he ducked into the passage way.

He could see a coffin.

A coffin? Lister approached it warily. Why was a coffin here? Was this him? Another step forward and his brain disregarded it being a coffin. It was a pod; coffins don't have a white metal finish. Not just any pod. It was a stasis pod. Lister suddenly dashed forward. He didn't even need to look at the sleeping face that mirrored his own to realise what was happened. The blinking green light in the stasis pod interface told him all.

_"Stasis pod in use"_

“I’m alive?" whispered incredulously. He could faint at the revelation. He was looking down at his own body. This is what it is like when one had an out of body experience. His eyes roamed down his body. He was injured... badly. He had a black eye, bruises littered his neck and finally he saw it. A large pipe 5cm in diameter was impaled in his stomach. Lister never learnt how big the pipe was as he actually fainted. When a soft-light hologram "faints”, there is an overload in the CPU, so it hard resets the hologram to the home base.

His bed.

When Lister woke up the first thing he could see was Rimmer. An angry and terrified Rimmer, a Rimmer who knew that Lister knew that Rimmer knew. The jig was up and Rimmer knew. In between the time realising Lister had gone and Lister waking up from his hard reset he has simultaneously prepared himself for a fight and a beating

"Rimmer!” gasped Lister rolling off the bed and onto the floor. He stared at Rimmer who had the decency to look ashamed. "I'm not dead?"

Rimmer scratched his nose and very warily got to his feet.

"Erm yes" he mumbled.

"If I am still alive Rimmer," said Lister slowly "Why am I hologram" he had to stay calm. He could not afford to have another hard reset nor could he terrify Rimmer. He had his suspicions but he needed the man to speak to just confirm and give him any reason. Lister did not know much about hologram technology but as far as he knew it was impossible for him to be here. While he was in stasis. Rimmer answered by putting his face in his hands and groaned.

"I need you to tell me Rimmer," his voice becoming a tad louder. It was hard trying to keep his voice even and calm. Lister knew if he yelled or anything Rimmer would, clam up and Lister wouldn't get anything out of the hologram but it was hard, being himself on the verge of a panic attack. Lister approached the hologram who was thankfully in soft-light and directed him gently towards the bed. They sat down, the bed undisturbed and Lister forced himself to put his arm around the hologram,

"Tell me?" he prompted trying to push as much kindness into his voice as he possibly could. Rimmer moaned in his hand and then very slowly pulled them off. The fingernails that he had dug into his face left slight red marks as he pulled them off. He clenched his fists and placed them on his knees.

 

I'm sorry Dave" Rimmer finally managed to squeak out his eyes watery. “I... was uh lonely" He put his face back into his hand and leaned forward. He sat there for a while silent. Lister sat beside him, wanting Rimmer to say more but already knowing Rimmer’s reasons and excuses would not make him feel better. Rimmer seemed to have pulled some strength or something from nowhere because he suddenly stood up stock straight.

"Everything else about the accident is true! He said quickly, turning to look at Lister, "I swear absolutely that I didn’t kill Cat or Kryten. The only teeny weeny incy bitty lie is that you are not dead." Rimmer took a deep breath to steady himself, although he didn't need the oxygen ,“It’s just I can't get out that smegging pipe from you and I didn't trust the medi-bay with the delicacy of the operation, so I placed you in stasis. But after a week of watching over you, I couldn't stand it anymore,” Rimmer took a shuddery breath as Lister took the opportunity to rub him awkwardly on the shoulder.

“You're dying so slowly in there and I am just so useless and pathetic and cowardly I just didn’t know what to do. So one night while I was searching through some hologram manual, I discovered I could revive you. I've always kept a record of you in a safe place.”

"Under your mattress." butted in Lister.

"Yes" said Rimmer surprised "How did you know?""

"I know you man.” grinned lister “Most of the time you really are predictable.” Rimmer smiled back weakly and continued the story.

"So I revived you, found the details to a patch Kryten was experimenting with wrote it in and managed to override the settings asking for proof of death, typed it all in and,” Rimmer finished "Here you are.”

“Why didn't you tell me in the first place?” Rimmer blushed and looked away from Lister.

"I couldn’t,” he managed to get out Lister blushed and he understood. He wanted to leave it there. He had forgiven the man but he had to ask the last question. The one that would probably break his heart.

"So if you find a way to fix me, in stasis, what happens to me?" Rimmer tried to make a sound but found himself just making vague gestures with his hands instead.

"I get turned off right?" asked Lister. The other hologram nodded. Right Lister exhaled. That was it. Some part of him wanted to scream, yell cry, but instead he found himself catching a hold of Rimmer's face and pulling him in to kiss on the lips. The kiss was short and abrupt; Rimmer had just closed his eyes before Lister very gently pulled away. He looked at the hologram for a moment longer a fond expression in his eyes. Then he got to his feet his face becoming blank and emotionless. A lack of expression that startled the older hologram who starting gaping at him stupidly.

 

"Come on them?" Lister said roughly. "Get up.," he ordered with a snap. When Rimmer just kept staring and not moving, Lister then pulled the man up by the shoulder and urged him to follow him into the drive room.

"Right Rimmer" barked Lister once they had reached the room, "We are going to sort this out." Rimmer licked his lips before finding his voice and asking,

"How?" Lister grinned painfully,

"You're really going to hate it man."


End file.
